Wednesday, July 20, 2005

my skin is melting

oh dear god in all that is holy and all the religions that won't accept me for who i truly am i just have to say can it get any motherfucking HOTTER IN THIS BITCH?

the sun is trying to be my boyfriend. the sun will not get off my ass, my face, my hair. i have hot hair and it is not a good time. i got stuck in traffic the other day on my bike (THANKS, DMV, for NOTHING.) and everybody was honking at me and catcalling ("Nice skirt, asshole!" I can HEAR you, you know, when you shout. I can hear you with my HEART.). And I'm only so strong, so I did what I always do.

I allowed one tear. And it burned my skin. My tears were made out of sunbeams, which only sounds pretty until you put sun on your face, because the sun is the HOTTEST THING IN THE WORLD AND IS CURRENTLY STALKING ME.

Every morning, it's back again, chasing me around the house from one end to the other. i try to stay in the shade becasue i hate it when my makeup runs, but there it is again, chasing me.

i've been thinking a lot about blogging, relationships, my garden (my dead, dead, dead garden. deader than the girl in my well. KIDDING! Catherine says hi, and that she loved the ladyfinger recipie one of you sent in).

how will we take blogging to the next level? i am a serial killer (allegedly), so i like pushing buttons, getting intimate with someone who'd like nothing to do with me, forcing myself on complete strangers, ripping their skin off with sewing tools, buring their discarded limbs and wearing their hair as a knit bikini. That's just me. I know who I am and I'm comfortable with it. But now that we have this communication thing going, you and i, with my blog and your eyeballs (which are completely useless to me, by the way. fuck your eyeballs. they roll all over the place and creep me out. UGH! Why do they have to be so round and stare-y?).

what the fuck was i talking about?

WHAT IS IT SO GOD DAMN HOT? I can't even eat anything because the thought of turning on a stove or an oven makes me puke. Even the microwave feels like it's cooking my balls. My girl balls. Jesus. I just told you about my girl balls, which I swore I'd never do but it's so fucking hot that I can't take it anymore. Do you know there are ants all over my house? Ants! And they crawl on me in my sleep, I just know it. I woke up the other morning because THE SUN was FUCKING ME IN THE ASS and there was a dead ant in my eye goo, in the corner of my eye.

It's one thing to be so hot there's sweat inside my ears. It's another thing entirely to know that ants were trying to tuck themselves into your eyelids while you were sleeping. I mean, can my life BE any grosser???/

ants and this stupid blog that i think about all the time because when i don't update you guys think:

1. I'm ignoring you.
2. I'm outside your window about to kill you.

And the truth is i think i'm losing my mind because the heat has boiled it in a way i'll never recover from.

girl balls
they are small
and pretty in pink
like molly ringwald
but so much better
like her lips
and that sneer she gives so well
like scarlett johannnseesnn
and that shot of her ass
at the beginning of lost in translation
girl balls
keep your secrets
they hide away
when everyone's looking
but come out
just for you
and say

I'm in such a mood.
I'm thinking about going back to school. I don't know what for. Maybe I'll be a DJ. Oh, man. I'd be a sweet DJ! I'd call myself DJ Skin Rip.

Except all of my equipment wouuld melt. MELT. in this HEAT.

do you ever sometimes think this is all bullshit and you and i never existed and we're all a fabrication of one speck of dirt in the eye goo of a careless man who forgot to put us away when he was done and now we're all mutations of this perfection we'll never achieve because there's no hope for any of us anymore? we're just going to fling ourselves at each other until we can't breathe anymore and our hearts explode in our chest.

why do you play
with my heart?
When I wish
to hear the perfect song
for this perfect moment
when i'm being so awesomely profound
why do you play
Joss Stone?

currently reading: HOW TO KILL YOURSELF BECAUSE IT'S SO FUCKING HOT. (It's a work in progress)