Ring Ring Ring
I saw the funniest movie the other day. It's called The Ring and I put it in my Netflix queue because the girls at work were talking about it one day in the lunchroom. They shut up when I came in to fix my Cup O' Noodles, but I heard enough to make me want to watch it. I lurve fiddling with my Netflix queue! I put The Ring in front of the Freaks and Geeks complete series (sooooooo good, soooooo true) and after the fantastic DB Sweeney ice skating film The Cutting Edge.
Well, The Ring is billed as a horror film, and I can understand why people find it scary, but to me it was hilarious. What I didn't know until the main character herself found out, is that the movie is about a girl who lives in a well! OMG! I KNOW!!! But the great part is that she finds a way to come back to life through a scary (it really is creepy) video about flies and hairbrushing and horses and cliff-diving. Throughout the movie I kept laughing and laughing and Catherine finally asked what movie was I watching and could she watch too if it was so "dag-gone funny." (You can take the girl out of the South...) So I dangled the small TV (Precious's TV) into the well so it could watch. It didn't think the movie was funny at all. It cried and cried and really ruined the ending of the movie for me by cheering for Samara, the girl in the well, when she popped out of the TV and killed the boyfriend. "Get her!!!" it yelled until I unplugged the TV and played Tom Petty at volume 10 in lieu of the hose (she hates Tom Petty for some reason. Said it corresponds with a "bad memory.")
But then after the movie was finished and Full Moon Fever was blasting and Precious was yapping and I had to do the tuck and dance in front of the mirror to calm myself down, I started to feel bad, which happens a lot when Catherine gets sad. It's why I keep referring to her as "Her" instead of "it," as someone pointed out in my commments. (KEep commenting! I lurve it!!! You guys are so funny. Would you fuck me? I would.) I have to admit, Catherine's long-range attempt to humanize herself in my eyes has been somewhat of a success. So she was crying and trying to crab-walk up the well like Samara, but she kept falling back down, and the sucker I am I walked to the corner store and bought her a toy and a snack. When I presented Catherine with the box of Green Hostess Snoballs and the Pepsi she stopped crying and actually thanked me. But then when I gave her the toy -- a fake police gun and badge -- she started crying again. Girls are nuts.
Ooh, after watching a craft show on HGTV I decided to undertake a new project. It's a fingernail hoodie! Wish me luck.
Create a cool day!
Well, The Ring is billed as a horror film, and I can understand why people find it scary, but to me it was hilarious. What I didn't know until the main character herself found out, is that the movie is about a girl who lives in a well! OMG! I KNOW!!! But the great part is that she finds a way to come back to life through a scary (it really is creepy) video about flies and hairbrushing and horses and cliff-diving. Throughout the movie I kept laughing and laughing and Catherine finally asked what movie was I watching and could she watch too if it was so "dag-gone funny." (You can take the girl out of the South...) So I dangled the small TV (Precious's TV) into the well so it could watch. It didn't think the movie was funny at all. It cried and cried and really ruined the ending of the movie for me by cheering for Samara, the girl in the well, when she popped out of the TV and killed the boyfriend. "Get her!!!" it yelled until I unplugged the TV and played Tom Petty at volume 10 in lieu of the hose (she hates Tom Petty for some reason. Said it corresponds with a "bad memory.")
But then after the movie was finished and Full Moon Fever was blasting and Precious was yapping and I had to do the tuck and dance in front of the mirror to calm myself down, I started to feel bad, which happens a lot when Catherine gets sad. It's why I keep referring to her as "Her" instead of "it," as someone pointed out in my commments. (KEep commenting! I lurve it!!! You guys are so funny. Would you fuck me? I would.) I have to admit, Catherine's long-range attempt to humanize herself in my eyes has been somewhat of a success. So she was crying and trying to crab-walk up the well like Samara, but she kept falling back down, and the sucker I am I walked to the corner store and bought her a toy and a snack. When I presented Catherine with the box of Green Hostess Snoballs and the Pepsi she stopped crying and actually thanked me. But then when I gave her the toy -- a fake police gun and badge -- she started crying again. Girls are nuts.
Ooh, after watching a craft show on HGTV I decided to undertake a new project. It's a fingernail hoodie! Wish me luck.
Create a cool day!
12 Comments:
Ooooh The Cutting Edge-- "Toe pick!"
Ha. Gets me every time.
I love that you love the Cutting Edge, too!
I was introduced to that movie by one of my college boyfriends, the one who always slept on his pullout couch even though he had a bedroom in his apartment. He told me he didn't like to use that room for sleeping. There were usually scratching noises. He said he kept his dog in there.
good times.
fingernail hoodie? Does that mean you're abandoning the hair poncho?
fingernail hoodie? Does that mean you're abandoning the hair poncho?
I finished the hair poncho!
The basic flaw with the Ring (if i may be so bold) is that you really don't care if the "victims" die. I mean, that little boy, creepy...the chick, nosey....the dad, well okay, the dad was sympathetic, but only in that "look I'm keepin my crazy-ass daughter locked up in a barn for a long long time" kinda way. I have a real penchant for barns and the lockin of folks therein, (but that's another story)
Keep on Keepin on, Jame....you provide a vital service. I'm not sure what it is, exactly, but it's vital.
Jame,
I've been looking ALL OVER for the Cutting Edge soundtrack. The music was so good, don't you think?
I'm dead and all 'cause you killed me, but I still like good music and good movies you know?
Frederica B.
Why oh why is it that horror film victim types can't seem to escape from zombies or slow-as-molasses well girls who lurch out of TVs?
What did you think of the "Joe Dirt" homage to you and your set-up? I thought it really put the lotion on the skin ;)
How come nobody ever puts me in a well?
Hi Jame!
OK so first of all can I tell you how excited I was to have you mention not only Freaks and Geeks but also The Cutting Edge?! In the same post! I don't know, I just feel like we have some cosmic connection because those are two of my favorite things in the world. James Franco is so hot (although he's not aging too well, maybe he can donate some of his excess skin to you because he is getting old man wrinkles already), I'm sure he'd fuck you, and Lindsay and Nick are just adorable, I think they're actually married in real life. sigh. You have such an appreciation for the finest things in life.
In other news, I love your catch phrases like "Create a Cool Day," and I think you should totes start saying "totes." It's like "totally," but so much shorter and more fun to say, and I hear it's totes the rage in Southern California. Figures. It can also be modified into "tote-bags!" which, come to think of it, have you ever thought of making? I know you like to sew, but I think you could knit some killer hair tote bags to match your poncho...maybe use the fingernails as sequins...
ok well I just wanted to say that I think you're totes awesome, don't let Catherine get you down!
Jame,
I've been reading your blog for a little while and it seems like (and pleeeease son't take this the wrong way) like maybe you and Catherine aren't working out.
Most of my girlfriends stay in dead-end relationships way too long and over the years, I have learned to read the writing on the walls of their relationships.
Also, since I work a "flex schedule" at work, I get every other Friday off and right when Dr. Phil comes on is the same time that my two cats come in from their wild outside adventures. They lay down on top of me and I can reach my bag of Trader Joe's Kettle Korn (my Friday Night Special!) and we listen and learn from the relationship guru, Dr. Phil.
And I think He would agree with me about this, even though I am no shrink.
Your relationship with Catherine is just not healthy anymore. I know that relationships are really hard to end, especially when you get used to that person's habits and TV preferences and cooking skills (or lack thereof!, LOL) but just because you are used to someone doesn't mean that you should stay with them, especially if they don't bring you any joy anymore.
I mean, all relationships have ups and downs, and long relationships can make the downs feel like an eternity.
But I really hope you'll think about what I said: Are you and Catherine right for each other?
If you want to call me and talk to me, you know, just to vent or whatever, I'm going to be around this weekend and I don't have any plans or anything besides the usual!
Dear skitzo psychopath killer:
I never understood the lotion thing until I visited your site, but it's a common phrase nowadays, so if you made it up, kudos. If not, well you're cool for even using it. Plus you got a woman in a well. I can relate to being lonely, since I just moved to (you think i'll tell a psycho where i live?) and it's lonely here all by myself. I wish I had a well... though i'd hate to steal your idea =)
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