From: pamie <pamie@pamie.com> 
To: stee f <plaintivewail@hotmail.com> 
Subject: Re: strummy-strummy-gag-gag 
 

Dear Sherman Rottenfeldstein, et. al.: 

Despite the fact that your last name is a mixture of one M--- 
F------- (who used to eat his own boogers in front of Pamela in the third grade) and Mr. M---- (a math teacher who was eventually arrested for making one M--- F------ take off his clothes and pose for pictures) and the fact that you would use your last name makes Pamela wonder if you are not, in fact, someone that she grew up with, I do need to make the following case on my client's behalf. 
 

Please do not take away your client's cyber friendship.  There's one more secret that she hadn't shared.  There's something in her life that is so vile, so awful, that she's been forced to make friends in the online community just to survive, just to remind herself that she is a good person and isn't worthy of such abuse. 

That little known fact is Eric's love of Third Eye Blind. 

If your client takes away his friendship he will be condeming her to a world of horrid pop.  You must understand that the Sugar Ray CD was purchased the day "Fly" was released on the radio.  She bought it and promptly threw it across the room upon first listening.  It is considered her worst purchasing decision ever, even when factoring in the time she bought the entire "Deadicated" album just to get the one Jane's Addiction cover. 

Please have your client look into his heart... nay, his soul and have him ask himself if he could really do that to a woman who has offered him such friendship, loyalty, and gleeful Pullman bashing over the past few months. 

If your client is going to play hardball, my client is prepared to phone your client, execute her Jackee impersonation, and promptly hang up. 

This is her final offer. 

Respectfully, 

Missy "Misdemeanor" Elliot 
(no relation) 
 

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