living in sin

"Hmm, what do you want to do tonight?"
"I don't know, what do you want to do tonight?"
"It's up to you."
"No, no, I picked last time. It's up to you."
"You sure? I really don't have any idea."
"Me either. Whatever you want to do is just fine."
"I just want to be with you, so I'm already doing what I want to do."
"Oh, that's so sweet. Jump me."

• Television time is mutual.
• Television time is make-out time.
• The living room is the place for heart-to-heart talks, cuddling, and just warm fuzzy glows.
• You have small quaint meals there with candles lit and music playing.
• Sometimes you just sit together and read.
• You plan your future over bottles of wine.

"Hmm, what do you want to do tonight?"
"I don't know, what do you want to do tonight?"
"It's up to you."
"No, no, I picked last time. It's up to you."
"You sure? I really don't have any idea."
"Me either. Whatever you want to do is just fine."
"Okay, let's go see the new John Waters movie."
"Fine."
"What, "fine?" What's that?"
"Nothing."
"It doesn't sound like nothing."
"No, it's fine. It's just-- "
"What? What? It's just what?"
"Nothing!"
"Okay, then. Are you ready to go?"
"Yeah, I mean, whatever you want. It's always whatever you want to do, anyway."

• Television time is his remote control. You watch thirty minutes of "Law and Order" and he changes the channel. "I only like the Law part," he says. You watch ten minutes of "Seinfeld". The commercials come on. He flips, flips, flips, flips and only pauses on women's golf. "I am not watching this," you say. "I'm just watching the sports ticker," he says. He flips back to "Seinfeld", just in time for the final "bah-chicka-bah-bah... pock-a-pooka-pock."
• Television time is falling asleep in front of the television time. You push each other's legs with your feet trying to claim more space on the couch.
• The living room is the place for Scrabble games, wrestling matches, and hysterical giggle fits.
• You have quick meals from Jack In the Box while watching the Mr. Show marathon.
• Sometimes you just sit together and bitch.
• You discuss chores and bills over six packs of beer.

"I'm right here, do you need anything?"
"Oh, thanks. Just a glass of water."

• The kitchen is rarely used, since you go out to eat almost every night.
• When you use a glass, it goes right into the dishwasher.
• You both fill the cat bowl with food.

"Could you get me some lemonade?"
"We have lemonade?"
"Well, you have to make it."
"Then why don't you go make it?"
"You're closer."
"We're both on the couch.."
"But your left arm is closer to the kitchen, therefore, you're closer. Ow! You're hurting my hip!"
"Now you're closer."

• The kitchen is a disgusting wasteland full of half-empty chinese food cartons and moldy vegetables and brick-like loaves of bread.
• When you use a glass it stays right were you drank it.
• The cats have started eating your pizza leftovers, since that's all the food they can forage.

"Oh, I forgot my toothbrush."
"That's okay, you can use mine."
"Thanks."
"You go first."
"You sure? I could go after you."
"No, no, ladies first. Just let me know when you're done."
"Oh, that's so sweet. Jump me."

• The shower is usually a place for foreplay.
• The toilet lid is always down.
• The toilet paper is always on the roll holder.

"Oh my God! You shaved over my toothbrush!"
"I just shaved, I wasn't trying to do it on your toothbrush."
"My toothbrush is covered in little tiny hairs!"
"Can I come in?"
"No! I'm peeing!"
"Come on, I just want to take out my contacts."
"Well, you can do it in a second. I've already got to sit here and smell your pee. "
"What are you talking about?"
"When you pee first and then I go in I have to sit with my face where your stream was. All I smell is pee."
"You are such a freak."
"Ladies first, my ass."

• The shower is now a place for peace and quiet and alone time.
• The toilet lid is either up when it's dark outside, or closed and covered with clothes and towels if you are trying to get ready for work.
• The toilet paper is always on the kitchen counter waiting with the other groceries to be put away. You always have to do the pants-around-your-ankles-naked-butt-dance through the living room to get it, hoping you aren't dripping on the newly-cleaned carpet, and hoping that your cats don't understand nudity.

I swear, there have been many times that I hope that my cats don't really understand people. They always look at me naked like, "Oh, my God! What happened to your fur?" And since we shoot water at them when they are bad, whenever I'm taking a shower they stare at me like, "What did you do? You are in so much trouble!"

I love living with Eric. I really do. There's nothing better than laughing hysterically right before you fall asleep on the warm crook of someone's arm. That's the best part of living with someone. You have your best friend right there.