I’m running sort of late today. I have a huge shipment of rare moths coming from Bolivia and I have to clean the big tank out. Plus, Catherine is being a total bitch today and I’m thinking of cutting off one her lips. I don’t know. I have to pray on it.

Anyway, lately I’ve been thinking about which journalers I’d most like to meet. But then, I figured everyone has written about that, so even though I’m not really a cannibal, I’m doing this twist on the thing:

TOP FIVE JOURNALERS I’D LIKE TO EAT (heh! Get it!)

5. Diane

I know Diane doesn’t write very much and she is a mom and her kid probably needs her. But she wrote something about “Why Web Journals Suck” or something like that I just don’t think that’s very nice. It’s intimidating enough to take the risk and put yourself out there like this, and I think people should be encouraged, not scared. Heck, I almost didn’t start TLATB because of her and that’s just not right. I mean, hell, I’m new to this whole “game” and I know I should bow down the old school journal people, but I just call them like I see them. I mean, don’t hate me or anything. Maybe she could just change the title to something more constructive to us Newbies. Instead of “Suck” she should say “Disappoint me” or “Could be improved with a little work.” Why not be constructive, I always say.

4. Allison

I like the way “Hate Your Daddy” rolls off the tongue. Plus, I don’t think she’d complain so much if she was down in my well and I threw rocks at her or lowered a big spider down in the basket just to mess with her when I was bored or whatever. I mean, she seems like a pretty mellow lady. Plus, I hear her skin is soft and that’s good for my clothes and all.

3. Dave Van

I just think he’s totally misunderstood, you know.

2. Emily

Emily is not a size 16 or anything, but I think she’d give my well an air of life and joy it’s certainly been missing in these “dark days” of ol’ gloomy-Gus, Catherine Martin. Emily would probably cry and scream a little, but then I’m sure we’d get to talking and she’d tell me about her boy problems and I could talk about my day and share stories of things I saw on TV that day or even my hopes and my dreams and stuff. I guess what I’m saying is I’d like someone to talk to now and then, you know? And I think Emily would be good for that. Plus, I’d like to chomp on her leg and eat it clean like a chicken bone. I’m not sure where that impulse comes from, but what the hey! It’s just a silly fantasy. It’ll never happen.

1. Sars

That girl just talks way too much. Plus, I asked a question to The Vine and she totally corrected my grammar and then never sent me my t-shirt. And I know I gave her the right address and everything because the other day I ordered some Mac and Cheese and a six pack of Diet Pepsi from Webvan.com and they totally brought it here within the hour, which is a pretty cool service, if I do say so myself (And I just did. Ha!). Anyway, I didn’t like her advice, either. I was having trouble with this guy I met at the club the other night and she suggested that I stop calling him and I didn’t like that because if I stopped calling him he would probably just never call me and then I’d be lonely and no one wants to be lonely, do they? Well, loners, but I don’t trust them. Sure. I seem like a loner but I’d really love to find that special person to share my life with. (Plus, I could use the help with cleaning and other chores around here -- I’m kidding!) Anyway, I just think Sars is kind of rude. Plus, she makes fun of Dawson’s Creek on her other website thing and that’s one of my favorite shows. I’m not even going to repeat the stuff she says about Pacey, who is totally hot, obviously. I’m mean, c’mon! Anyway, so yeah, Sars. I’d eat that bitch with ketchup and a little vinegar.
 

Oh well, that’s it. Hey, let me know what you think by signing my ( hey BB, remember to LINK!!!!!!!!) guestbook! And go buy a mouse pad or something. This site isn’t free, you know!