On a separate online journaling forum I frequent, I invited some “online friends” to ask some questions of Catherine Martin, the girl I kidnapped and have trapped down in my well. (I’ve talked about her before.) She’s okay, but she’s starting to annoy me with her constant crying and ingenious attempts to humanize herself in my eyes. Plus, she doesn’t like to rub the lotion on her skin, which really ticks me off.

Anyway, since she’s not busy or anything today, I’ll ask Catherine those questions and post her responses. I hope you like it. 
 

Question:

Dear Catherine,

I’m thinking about starting my own online journal. What should I write about?

Catherine said:

I’m not going to answer these questions you stupid, sick, fuck! I was so dumb to try to help you with that couch. Now my groceries have spoiled and my cat is going to starve to death. So fuck you and your stupid gay online jour- Ahhhh!! Ahhhhh!!!

Okay! Okay. Stop spraying me with water. Please, mister!

Well, I think you should write about what is important to you. If you like horses, write about that. Or if you’re really into your boyfriend, you can write about him. Or just talk about your day or even write a funny sketch or crazy dialogue that you overheard or took part in during the day. Sometimes you might just need a place to vent and express your feelings. That’s okay, too. If you’re honest and engaging, you will find a readership.
 

Question:

Dear Catherine,

I’m a tenth level Druid but my dexterity recently has taken a hit due to some bag magic potion I was slipped in Heat Level Six. What should I do?

Catherine said:

Help! Hellllp. I’m stuck down in a well. Some crazy man has stuck me down in a well and he’s going to skin me alive. Please. For the love of God.

It will answer the question or else it gets the hose again.

Uh, okay. I’m okay. Everything will be okay. Well, you should seek the Bantwan Lagoon. There is a health capsule hidden near the blue bipwip tree. That should clear things right up.
 

Question:

Dear Catherine,

Do you think Beth should start a forum?

Catherine said:

Let me out of this hole, mister. My momma is a very important woman and she’ll pay you anything you want. Please. I’m so cold. So. Very. Cold. Please. Pleeeeease. I’m hungry. Let me out!

Answer the fucking question, Catherine!!!

Okay! Okay. I’ll be good. Um, I think the online journaling community has room for many forums. There is no reason to in-fight or be scared of views different than your own. If you don’t like what’s being said, don’t read.
 
 
 

Oh, darn, I gotta go. The View is on. We’ll do this again, it was fun! Bye-bye!.