My article on the Dirty Dancing DVD is up at the Austin American-Statesman. You have to register to read it. It's free!

phone rings...

pamie: Hello?

phone: This is Danny Glover, calling in behalf of Dennis Kucinich. I'm urging you to vote for--

pamie: STEE!

stee: What?

pamie: It's Danny Glover, calling on behalf of Dennis Kucinich!

stee: Tell him to fuck off.

Liz and I are booked at the Comedy Central Stage. March 18th, 8pm. It's free! Reservations are needed as it's first come, first serve and we plan on serving as many people as possible.

Wait...

Uh...

Please come see our show.

Adam Blau (he of the aforementioned birthday) is doing the music. Anna Heilbron is directing. Jessica Kaman is co-directing. Shane Laser is doing the magical computery stuff. Angela Rubino makes puppets.

6539 Santa Monica Boulevard
Hollywood, California 90038

Limited Seating
All Shows Are Free
Call for reservations
(323) 960-5519

Today is my brother's birthday. Wish him a happy one. Below is proof that siblings speak a language unknown to all others. All IM names have been changed to protect our endless fame.

Dan: HAPPY DAY!
Adam: yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
Adam: yayayayayayayayay!
Adam: thanks.
Dan: how's it going? fun day so far?
Adam: fun enough
Dan: the post office LOST my tracking number (i know...then why do they have tracking numbers?), but said you should still have your package by 12. let me know if it doesn't show up.
Dan: i fear it will not.
Adam: YAY!!!
Adam: Fun Stuff!!!
Adam: How are YOU?
Adam: Now that we're no longer the same age?
Dan: i feel so ALIVE!
Dan: and you?
Adam: UNCHAINED
Dan: so far only one major artery has hardened?
Adam: nono--
Adam: so fah only one majah ahtery has hahdened
Dan: hee.
Adam: ah, precocious billy tate
Dan: well, exactly.
Adam: jimmy baio
Dan: the teacher he was sleeping with? was 28.
Adam: oh dear LORD.
Adam: that makes me Chester, somehow.
Dan: that gives you a big helping of cheddar on the plate.
Adam: therefore i do seem like a cook to you, do you see?
Dan: ah ah ah...double negative.
Adam: oh! [friends of ours] got engaged!
Dan: no WAY!
Adam: yes WAY!
Dan: no!
Dan: WAY!
Adam: YES WAY!
Dan: there goes ever getting a response to my email.
Adam: my first thought, as well
Dan: has mom called you yet?
Adam: no... why?
Dan: because it's your birthday?
Adam: oh-- i thought there was- like- "more"
Dan: there's no "more." i gave blood for your birthday.
Dan: birthday blood.
Adam: spilled blood on my bday!
Dan: AND on the day the mel gibson movie opens!
Dan: so much blood!
Adam: the passion of dan!
Dan: the passion of ME!
Dan: i'm going to go back and translate this entire convo into ancient aramaic!
Adam: $#^&*(#(*#&^$
Adam: that's what aramaic looks like...
Dan: really? it looks like english cursing?
Adam: they curse a lot in Aramaic
Dan: weird.
Adam: exactly
Adam: okay, bye.
Dan: HAPPY DAY!
Adam: YAY!

Happy birthday, Elder Blau. Enjoy the sunshine.

Seeing as how my link to send flowers to the couples waiting in line in San Francisco turned into a debate, I thought I'd point you to Rob's latest entry, which echoes my thoughts exactly.

I don't understand the women who refuse to date men shorter than they are. You're just eliminating an entire person because of his height. This baffles me.

Discuss.

So it's a good thing I'M ALLOWED TO MARRY THEM!

Sorry. I actually have a question. Totally unrelated. Please help.

It is my utter pleasure to announce that Television Without Pity will be recapping Season One of America's Next Top Model, just as soon as this season is over. I am therefore officially undertaking the process of looking for tapes of the first season. If you have them, please email me directly at djb@televisionwithoutpity.com. Let the best show be this show. Ah, yes. It already is.

I don't like it when men refer to things as "Bad Boys." Cars, boats, barbecues, sandwiches, large television screens. "Let's fire that Bad Boy up!"

Just stop it.

New Entry.

I stop the world and stall with you.

The Incredible Shrinking Lorelais: Lorelai and Rory each have a really bad week when Lorelai runs out of money and feels like she has no help at the inn. Rory is running out of time and is getting to the point where professors are suggesting that she drop classes. Both women are in tears by the end of the episode and run to the only place that makes sense. No, not their best friends; they run to the warm arms of their married fake boyfriends.

AKA: Proof that CuteDean is better.

Pamie:

I know you're with Stee, but I thought I'd update you on one of your former boyfriends.

This past weekend, Amy and her husband, Dana, went to a nice Italian restaurant in Sherman Oaks. Although they had reservations, the restaurant was running behind, so Dana and Amy went to the bar and waited for their table.

A few minutes later, a party of four entered and walked over to the bar. Amy knew one of the guys was Fred Schneider, lead singer of the B-52s, but wasn't sure about the other guy. Dana told Amy it was Dave Grohl, lead singer of the Foo Fighters. Amy loves the FFs, but I don't think she knew which one Dave was. The other two members were Dave's wife (I'm assuming, based on the description Amy gave me) and some producer guy Amy thought looked familiar but couldn't think of his name.

Dave's group walked over to the bar to wait for their table, and Dave ended up standing right next to my sister. Dana went to use the men's room and while he was gone, Amy tapped Dave on the shoulder. Dave turned around, smiled and said to her, "Salute."

Amy told him she understood he was out and she didn't want to bother him, but she wanted to tell him how much she loved The Foo Fighters and how much they rocked, etc. Amy said Dave was really nice to her and said thanks and then he stuck out his hand. She said she looked at it for a few seconds, then realized she probably should shake it, so she did.

After they were all seated, Amy and Dana sent Dave a bottle of wine with a note stating something like: Dave, your song "Times Like These" played a big part of our wedding and means a lot to us. Please accept this bottle of wine as our way of saying thanks."

Amy said their waiter was very cool and told them Dave was totally stoked about the wine and the note and insisted on buying Dana and Amy dessert. Amy and Dana said "No, no, that's okay," but the waiter stated that Dave insisted, so Amy and Dana had Cannoli and cappucino, courtesy of my famous boyfriend, Dave Grohl.

Vicki

How were the two women at the table not Allison and me? I don't understand.

I walked into the kitchen for my morning coffee wearing nothing but a belt slung low around my waist.

stee saw me and understood. "Sex and the City?"

"I'm in mourning. To pay our respects, today we wear no clothes."

"I totally support your decision."