It's that time of the year again. The Sixth Annual Valentine's Day Poems.

Wow. Sixth. Who feels old now?

Longest Episode Title of All Time. Luke gets drunk.

Valentine Poems are on their way. You didn't think I'd forget, did you?

It's true. "To better reflect her single status, Cali Barbie will wear board shorts and a bikini top, metal hoop earrings, and have a deeper tan."

I hope she's got a good lawyer, or Ken's gonna want three of her dream houses and at least seventeen of the cars. [Thanks to Charles for the link]

Even when I'm finally on the red carpet, Ray's on one much fancier. Of all my friends who would go to the Grammys, I must admit Ray wasn't the first name to come to mind.

But he should have been.

Garry Shandling Gets Shitty Seats.

The Osbournes - It used to be that when Ozzy got a motorcycle, nobody told him how to turn it on. Unfortunate foreshadowing, there. In this episode, Jack gets his friends to give him their penises, while Sharon tries to tell D.L. Hughley from L. Ron Hubbard.

And enjoy this one, as it's the last. TWoP cancelled this show.

I am now anonymous Joke Spam. What do I do with this information?

And DS-Hell speed I have achieved! To work nine jobs! And write ten recaps!

Just be glad your entire company wasn't sent this email today. And no. It's not about me. But one day it could be. Because free-floating, passive-aggressive paranoia is a fantastic motivator. Let's go see!

PLEASE READ AND PAY ATTENTION TO THIS:

As we grow and change, I wanted to underscore and unwritten rule at [place I freelance], and something that should be adhered to strongly as we face the Awards season.:

If you are covering an event with a client, it is your responsibility, as an emisary of [place I'm thinking of leaving] to behave professionally at all times. It is better not to drink or smoke until you are well away from the event and your work with the client is done. If you are not sure of your body's tolerance for alcohol, do not drink at all. Remember, Hollywood is a small town, and we have always prided ourself on the impeccable behaviour of [place I wake up and thank god is 3000 miles away from where I live]-ers. Any ungentlemanly behaviour unfortunately always gets back to me. I would urge everyone to behave as an example to others.

Thank you for your kind attention to this matter.

Thank you, mother. This has been One To Grow On.

It's Paris Hilton's book proposal.

"I love to buy as many gossip magazines as possible... reading everything in the world that's possibly been written about me. Then I take a nap, wake up, and read scripts, check my laptop, take personal notes, write in my diary, and maybe do some work on my next book."

Oh, no. I am Paris Hilton.

I'm sure you don't want your site to become a haven for people begging for things for their pet causes, but I know you've done a lot of good for the Oakland library, and are now helping get the word out about Philly. Here in Detroit, we had an incident of vandalism at the Detroit HS for the Performing Arts. This is the fourth time this year that the school has endured vandalism. More than $200,000 worth of damage was done to the room, the music, and the instruments. This school is a giant beam of hope in a very troubled district. Anything you could do to get the word out would be appreciated. Anyone interested in helping can contact Detroit Public Schools Development office at 313-873-4548. Here's an article. Thank you, Lisa

I spent most of the weekend either sleeping, eating with friends, writing or rehearsing. It doesn't make for very good journal fodder. I'm working on a show with a friend of mine. Those of you who have written to ask for the details -- I'll share them when I have more to say about it. It's still in the early stages and we haven't booked a time or space yet, so
there's no point in going on about it yet.

I had originally started this as an entry, but after I wrote the above paragraph I stared at my monitor for ten minutes. Then I wrote a sentence about how great my roast chicken turned out Saturday night. And then, for the sake of everyone, I deleted that sentence, changed the entry into a quick blog post and moved on. You're welcome.

Gilmore Girls recap

Dan, I'm wishing you DSLspeed.

Hi all:

Between the three recaps last week and the dial-up I'm still on from the move I haven't had time to tell everyone about, I'm Pamie's blog entry right below this one if you slot in "he" pronouns for "she." Help me pray that the DSL gods smile brightly down on me soon, congratulate me on making it through my last threecap week, like, ever (TWoP mercifully axed the Big Fat Blee Blee Biddle show, and I don't know why Fox has yet to follow suit), and then come over. My apartment is really groovy.

And then, there's these:

Big Fat Cancelled

Best show ever

Zzzzzzzzzz