I had to stop eating my lunch and throw it out without finishing it a few hours ago, and I haven't eaten a thing since. This is particularly odd behavior, as I'm in the middle of recapping, an activity that usually finds me eating everything I get my hands on in a bid to maintain my sustenance, even if it's from my second refrigerator known as "dusty gum from under the couch." People. ANYTHING.

But I just feel awful. I'm nauseous and my stomach feels raw and I don't want to eat anything and I'm kind of swoony. I'm sweaty. My forehead is warm. But I'm cold, a little. My throat feels like it's closing up. You're thinking...flu. Everyone's got it. You've got it too. I feel you. I'm dying. You're right.

But wait. There's more.

I didn't feel this way until I clicked open my browser window to come face-to-face with one of those "Flu Is Killing Everyone In America, Ever, Even In The Past And People Who Are Already Dead, Too" AP stories that seems to be going around like, well, the flu. And though it's a somewhat powerful news organization, you can't get the flu from the AP. Adding to this is the fact that I have to work three jobs in constant succession every single day until Christmas, and I can't miss any one of them at any point for any reason, ever. I will lose millions. So I'm more worried about nothing more than I am about getting the flu. Seriously, if I can make it to that date, I can get all the flu I want. The day after Christmas is actually a scheduled flu-getting day, when I finally let my body relax and let all of the creeping toxins building up from the rest of the month have their way with me. So I either have the flu or the fake flu, which I'll know better when I have to leave the house in a half-hour.

Do I have the flu?

The boys are so confused by Milkshake today. First Omar, and then Eric (who reminds us how stupid that Sisqo song was (Sisqo -- see him in Pieces of April. It's true!).)

So I emailed Omar.

pamie wrote:

"Omar: Or she's shaking her breasts. And charging girls to show them how to shake their breast milk."

That's it.

The boys are waiting.

-p

On 12/10/03 11:50 AM, "Omar Gallaga" wrote:

Well, I didn't want to write that I really thought it had something to do with semen. Because, ew.

o.

pamie wrote:

Ew. Have you seen the video? It clears up any confusion, as Kelis (pronounced Kel-EES, I just learned), is constantly serving up boob-shaped objects in a sweaty diner.

-p

"Omar" wrote:

Oh, damn. I shoulda watched the video. My brother failed me.

Anybody ever tell you you know a lot about pop culture?

o.

Eric also gives a hysterical (and accurate) Honey review.

Like Oprah, but without the guilt of watching Oprah. Yay.

Today's Variety:

Cort, Ribon find out 'Why Girls Are Weird'
 
Project focuses on girl who leads rich Internet fantasy life
 
By DAVE MCNARY

Robert Cort Prods. has optioned Pamela Ribon's novel "Why Girls Are Weird" to develop as a romantic comedy, with Ribon penning the screenplay.

Scarlett Lacey, Cort exec VP of production, brought the project -- about a girl whose rich Internet fantasy life threatens to take over reality -- to the Par-based shingle.

"As girls, we're told we can do anything and be anyone when we grow up," Lacey said. "But what happens when life doesn't live up to those grand expectations? Pam and I want to create a character-driven romantic comedy that tries to answer that very question, examining a young woman's struggle to manifest her fantasies in real life."

Ribon wrote the stage play "Call Us Crazy: The Anne Heche Monologues," based on Heche's 2001 autobio "Call Me Crazy." Her script "It Skips a Generation" was recently optioned by Brent Armitage at New Shoes Prods. She's repped by Gersh and Kim Witherspoon at Witherspoon Associates.

Lacey was associate producer on "Save the Last Dance" and exec producer on the upcoming "Against the Ropes."

In July, Par announced it had re-signed Cort to a three-year first-look producing deal, while Cort announced his shingle had closed a partnership with Grant Johnson and Taylor Reinhart of Open Water Entertainment to provide equity for script acquisition and development.

Here's the announcement on Done Deal:

Title:       Why Girls Are Weird
Log line: A girl's rich Internet fantasy life threatens to take over her reality.
Writer:    Pamela Ribon
Agent:     Gersh Agency and Kim Witherspoon at Witherspoon Associates
Buyer:     Robert Cort Productions
Price:       n/a
Genre:     Romantic-Comedy
Logged:   12/9/03
More:      Ribon will adapt from her novel.

Abbie The Cat teaches you how to make tuna pasta. I agree about the "controversial" celery part. [thanks, Daisie, for the link]

This cat blog is just to distract you while I find time to do a proper entry. That time will probably not come today, as I'm in the middle of answering a hundred different emails and then at one point I might attempt to shower, as the smell of Vegas only leaves your hair after seventeen washings.