Part Two

Then it was on to fabulous Oakland, where you may have heard we've raised a few books for them. Before we launch into the librarian thank you's, I'd like to list the new Cool Kids, right here, and do a few library PSA's.

The latest cool kids:

Which leads us to my reading at the Lakeview Branch of the Oakland Public Library.

It was wonderful to put so many faces to the names of people I'd been emailing with over the past few months. Everyone was so kind and friendly. Even city council members stopped by on their way to a meeting, to shake my hand and thank us for everything we've done. They were a very grateful group of people. They gave me more than one bundle of flowers, and had made a thank you card that the librarians from different branches had signed. Talk about an easy crowd-- they remained amused even though they were freezing from the wind whipping over the lake, even though this guy never stopped his funky porno tai chi the entire time.

They asked questions about the book, about you guys, about the internet. They were shocked at how young we were, to be activists, to be so involved. One man brought up the concept of smart mobs, which apparently are becoming the rage in San Francisco, where people get emails and text messages to all arrive at one place immediately. It's a little too Fight Club for me to suggest ever emailing all of you and telling you to meet me at the top of some stairs for an important announcement, don't you think?

It was crazy cold up there, though. And I got to read from the library copy of my book, all bound in plastic with a number and a check out card and everything! And it had a bookplate in it, as it was donated by one of you. Come on, that's cool.

Lakeview Branch of Oakland Public Library
Tuesday, July 29th, 5pm
Number of People attended: 30
Most surprising question asked: "How can we help you now?"
Farthest travelled: Barstow
May have helped someone else: A girl who was declined her unemployment benefits from Good Vibrations got a card from the head of the OPL, as their hiring freeze was recently lifted. I mentioned that she was trained in making people happy.
Most surprising guests: A girl who I'd been emailing with about blurbing her book. The head librarian of the Lakeview Branch is now on crutches and almost took a tumble down the stairs. The boyfriend of the woman in charge of the Children's Department thanked me for making life around the house much better.
Loudest heckler: That man's thrusting was really distracting. It was right over their heads!
Blog recap: There's an article about how I handed over a check for fifty dollars from our eBay auction. If I said I had waist-length hair, I must have been crazy from the cold. My hair was mid-back, at best.

Last stop on the tour was the Oakland Barnes and Noble in Jack London Square. A train blares past this store every fifteen minutes or so, which made for some interesting reading.

Before the reading, however, the librarians had one more treat in store -- they took stee and me out for dinner at a fancy seafood restaurant. We were seated beside a group of firemen, whose firehouse was being closed down. They had news crews around filming, reporting. I watched several of the women resist the urge to shush the loud men.

Mary Farrell, who runs the Lakeview branch, hobbled in on her crutches, even though it was cold and raining. There were more presents given to me, including my very own Oakland Public Library card! And stuff from Peet's Coffee, which was my very best friend during that cold week in Northern California. Mary offered to answer any questions you might have about voluneering for your own Public Library, organizing book drives, or helping the Oakland Public Library out (like exactly how donations help, how to get more involved, anything you want). Just send me your questions, (attn: Mary) and I'll get them to her. She's awesome.

Anyway, it was raining and windy and I had more than one glass of wine, which is why my hair looks the way it looks in all of these next photographs. No conditioner, humid, kinda buzzed.

The events coordinator had written me a poem, which he still hasn't emailed me but I'll post when he does. He read it twice.

He had me sequestered in his office before the reading, so I didn't have the chance to chat with people before, as I'd done at the other readings, and he came in moments before shouting, "It's packed!"

I'm learning that "packed" means "More than twenty people." I was just as shocked, as I'd expected maybe fifteen, and there were probably a good fifty people there, most of which I hadn't bribed or threatened at all.

It was my quietest group so far, and they were all very polite and hushed, laughing and applauding in the right parts, but not quite as raucous as I'd come to expect from a pamie.com crowd. Perhaps people are just more subdued in Oakland.

"What do you want from us," a man in the front row said. "It's Tuesday!"

"It's Thursday, sir," I replied.

After I had said enough dirty words and handed out presents, they became a little more like the crowd I was used to. But then again, I arrived flushed and sweaty, still buzzing from good wine and a fantastic dessert, so maybe they were just worried I was going to drunkenly rant all over the place. I couldn't blame them for the hesitancy.

This one felt like my first real signing, at a place where nobody knows me, and the majority of the people there were familiar with my work already. One person had me sign a printout of the Tiny Wooden Hand entry she'd had since 1999. Another girl's copy of WGAW was already dog-eared and tattered, which was the most flattering thing I'd seen done to my book. And there were friends out there, both old and new, and of course, lots of library people.

Since my digital camera broke, I bought a disposable. I haven't developed the film yet, but luckily this woman was around to document every other second of the signing portion of the appearance. Her name is Jennifer, and she made me feel like a rockstar as she took photograph after photograph. Yes, it made it difficult to come up with little things to sign in each book, but it's great that she was able to capture just how horrible my bangs were, and how they just got worse as the evening went on.

You're about to see what I mean.

Here I think I've just been told that the group of women in front of me recently met Nigella Lawson at a signing. See my envy? Note how I'm still flushed and sweaty, even though it's been probably a good hour and a half since I was outside.

Anna Beth. Help me to not look this way when if I ever see Meghan again and pose dangerously close to her boob.

I find that sometimes I completely zone out when I'm trying to write something new, or at least slightly meaningful in someone's book. I've already regretted a few, like when I mess up and have to scribble, or if I write something so temporary. Like poor Sobell, where I wrote, "Say hello to the MATHletes for me." Forever? Does she have to do that forever? Couldn't I have just said that to her and wrote something in the book about how we've actually spent time together in the past? What is wrong with me?

We both look so happy here that it almost seems fake, doesn't it? This might be when I'm talking about Nigella, though, as I've got the Nigella glow going on.

At Barnes and Noble signings they have these posters announcing your upcoming appearance, and since they have so many, I ask if they'll let me have one for the people in attendance to sign, so I have everybody's signature just like they got mine. I have three of them now, and I love them.

I am seriously sweaty. So sad about those bangs.

Oakland Barnes and Noble,
Jack London Square
Thursday, July 31st, 7:30pm
Number of People attended: 50
Most surprising question asked: (referring to the picture in the back of the book and on the poster) "How old is that picture?"
Journal people spotted: Mo, Evany, Meghan
Blog recap: Rachael ("Spelled like Michael") Herron. Scroll down for the recap. She used to have a picture posted wearing her tiara, but now it's a photo of Digit, her cat who is apparently the spitting image of Cal.

All in all, I had a great time at each signing. I'm glad they were so varied. It was hard to find chapters to read out loud that didn't need explanation or serious editing due to content. And passing out presents seemed to help. One person told me that Dave Eggers passes out homemade cookies. But you know who doesn't? Nigella. So I'm falling somewhere in between the two, which I guess isn't that bad. I'd rather pass out a Hello Kitty pencil set anyway.

I can't believe I just now found out about this (thanks, Tara):

When they weren't playing games they'd surf the Net — drop in on old favourites, see what was new...

Or they would watch At Home With Anna K. Anna K. was a self-styled
installation artist with big boobs who'd wired up her apartment so that
every moment of her life was sent out live to millions of voyeurs. "This is
Anna K., thinking always about my happiness and my unhappiness," was what
you'd get as you joined her. Then you might watch her tweezing her eyebrows,
waxing her bikini line, washing her underwear. Sometimes she'd read scenes
from old plays out loud, taking all the parts, while sitting on the can with
her retro-look bell-bottom jeans around her ankles. This was how Jimmy first
encountered Shakespeare -- through Anna K.'s rendition of "Macbeth."
Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death,
read Anna K. She was a terrible ham, but Snowman has always been grateful to
her because she'd been a doorway of sorts. Think what he might not have
known if it hadn't been for her. Think of the words. "Sere," for instance.
"Incarnadine."
"What is this shit?" said Crake. "Channel change!"
"No, wait, wait," said Jimmy, who had been seized by -- what? Something he
wanted to hear. And Crake waited, because he did humour Jimmy sometimes.
Or they would watch the Queek Geek Show, which had contests featuring the
eating of live animals and birds, timed by stopwatches, with prizes of
hard-to-come-by foods. It was amazing what people would do for a couple of
lamb chops or a chunk of genuine brie.
Or they would watch porn shows. There were a lot of those.

--Margaret Atwood, Oryx and Crake
( see here for more of the excerpt)

So, yeah. Megyn Price was on The Tom Green Show. It was Friday night, not Thursday, and she was on just before the show ended. You may have noticed the part where Tom Green read over two blue notecards and appeared to just skip the Anne Heche portion of the show and read out loud something about a trip to China instead. Whether or not the bit actually got on the blue notecards -- who knows. But they appear to have cut the bit.

And that's showbiz, kids.

Currently Reading: The Music of Your Life: Stories, by John Rowell. After the first story in this book, I curled around the book on the bed and squee'd, "I love my new book!" It was only after discussing with Tara why she didn't like Running With Scissors that I finally admitted that I just love David Sedaris so much that I'll convince myself that the interim Sedaris writers can sometimes be just as good. The titular story in this book is truly wonderful, told in a way that had this half-smile frozen on my face because it was just as funny as heartbreaking. Some of the later stories seem to star the same cast of characters, but the first story in this book is worth the hunt to find a copy.

Please, for the love of God, for everything that's good in the world, please donate a book to Oakland!

Lakeview Branch
Brookfield Branch
Temescal Branch
Cesar E. Chavez branch
Martin Luther King, Jr. Branch
Rockridge Branch
Montclair Branch
Piedmont Avenue Branch
Main Branch
contact a library to send private donations
Berkeley bookstore Cody's Books offers free shipping.

OPL's help page

Order a copy of Why Girls are Weird. Or you can read an excerpt.

Hate "The Man?" Order your copy from your local independent bookstore.