the debate

not for the squeamish, or easily offended
24 October 2000

But some of my favorite statements said in the heat of the moment lately have been:

"Look, I'm just sayin'. If I was a hooker in Mexico and my ass was a pussy, there'd be no question."

"Big, hairy, smelly donkey parts in your mouth is no way to live."

"No, this is completely about the ass because that's what I have."

"Wait, do we then reverse it? Because I don't want no donkey going down on me. He bites and shit."

"I can't believe you'd suck it."

"Can we all just agree that your ass is a pussy and then we answer the question?"

"I'm going on the general assumption that women are intelligent creatures. Therefore I'd assume that they'd never want any donkey genetic code to get mixed with their own so they don't make any ass creatures."

"Planet of the Apes has absolutely nothing to do with this discussion!"

"There used to be twelve people at this table. You're making people leave with your cock talk."

"I got two suckers and a fucker over here."

"When he called you, did he ask you if your ass was a pussy, or did he just say you'd have to have sex with it and you assumed it was about your butt?"

"First of all, I asked him, 'Am I on Candid Camera?'"

"Oh, now you've ruined it. You can't tell her the question that way! That makes her want to fuck it."

"Obviously, you've never given oral sex." "What makes you think I haven't?" "Well, you weren't good at it, then."

"Look, I'm telling you, there's no way you want that big ass donkey standing over you, all ready to kick the shit out of you if he's not happy."

"Oh, is he going to push my head down and shit with his big honkin' hooves? Because that could hurt."

"You'll never be able to put anything in your mouth ever again. You'll never be able to close your eyes, drink beer or go to the zoo."

"E-I-E-I-Oh my God!"