the debate

not for the squeamish, or easily offended
24 October 2000

Listen. Before I start, if disgusting talk about sex and animals and such make you feel nasty, or make you want to send hate mail, then don't bother reading this. That includes you guys, Mom and Dad. I got mushy for you yesterday. And for the sake of Eric, Charlotte probably shouldn't read this either.

Okay. First of all, I think you should be introduced to this the same way I did. I was in LA, you know, working, looking for an apartment, doing important things that advanced the next years of our lives.

Eric was in a car on his way to the Louisana riverboats to do some gambling. Yeah, I know. I'm a great girlfriend.

So, I just spent the day driving around, getting hostile, snipping occasionally at stee when the amount of Ultimate Coffee Bean was running low, and was wondering when Eric was going to check on my apartment hunt. Day Two was much harder than Day One, and my spirits were rather low. We took a break back at stee's apartment so he could get some work finished when Eric called.

So I'm sitting on stee's couch (not the one on the curb, which really is the saddest couch in the land), and the first thing Eric says is this:

"Baby. Would you rather let a donkey fuck you or suck its dick?"

I think I didn't say anything for a little while. Images were floating around, my eyes blinked a bit involuntarily, more like I had something in my eye. I glanced over at stee, wondering how I was going to answer this question without making him wonder what kind of phone call I was taking on his couch. Then I realized there was no way around it, and I was going to have to answer.

"I'd... let it fuck me."

"Coo."

Coo. That's all the response I got, people. "Coo."

"I'm gonna go get you another beer," was all stee said as he left the room.

What happened, apparently, was this. Boy A, Boy B and Girl C are in the car driving to Louisiana. Because it's a car trip, Boy A and Boy B apparently begin discussing trips to Mexico, and whether or not anyone has seen a Donkey Show. For the uninformed (don't worry, I was as well), there's apparently a city famous for these women that will perform sexual acts with donkeys for money. The question then was-- if you were a girl in Mexico, which act would you rather do?

I think the answer here depends on what sex you are. See, the answer most girls say is that they'd let the donkey do the deed to them, since they'd have the entire thing behind them, away from them, and not in their mouths all up in their faces. Boy A seems to think that the sex act would be too painful. This is because the boys are assuming they'll have to have anal sex with the donkey, since they don't have any girl parts.

This has brought up the sentence, "Yes, but you have to imagine your ass is a pussy," which I just love. "Your ass is a pussy" is the name of my seventeenth album.

Instead of dragging out who said what, I'm just going to say that this has turned into a major argument, and the facts of what actually was discussed in that car on that afternoon are now being debated feverishly. Some say that you've always had to imagine your ass was a pussy. Some are now claiming that the pussy-ass section of the question is more like Question 1A.