post vegas recap

with the amount of time i spent in the spa
you wouldn't think it was possible to be this sore
28 August 2000

I'm back.

Best. Trip. Ever.

No, really, I had a great time. My mother said to me on our flight into Vegas, "Don't you think it will be strange meeting a bunch of people that you only know from writing every day?"

And I thought, for a second, that it would be. And then I met everyone.

So much fun. Getting together to talk about each other's shows, each other's recaps, and discussing shows that haven't been made yet but are brilliant in our heads.

Since I had only slept for a couple of hours on the plane, I was pretty tired getting into Vegas. Oh, and in case some of you were wondering about that time zone thing-- in Phoenix it would be Mountain time, but since they don't adhere to Daylight Savings Time, in that city it's Pacific time. But the airline tickets don't reflect t that, so when it says you only have twenty minutes, you really have an hour and twenty minutes. Just in case you were wondering.

My mother likes to play poker machines. As one friend aptly noted, "They should just say 'Insert All Your Money Here.'" I get bored and eventually start playing the machine next to her, just to have something to do. I lost so much money so quickly.

I've never won money in Vegas. I try not to gamble too much because it just never works out for me. My mother will win the occasional jackpot, which supplements her feeding the poker machines. I've never lost this much money before, though. I never gamble this much. I just started thinking that something should pay off. I lost at craps, black jack, roulette, slots, poker... nothing. Nothing ever gave me a dime. I stopped gambling the first night.

Omar, Rebecca and I watched the best lounge act ever in the Luxor on Thursday night, as I realized that I was getting pretty tired. I had been gambling all day and all night, and was starting to fade. We walked to the Krispy Kreme (I cannot explain to you how obsessed Rebecca is with the Krispy Kreme) but at two in the morning, the last thing I wanted was something called a "Sour Cream." I hobbled back to my room and was asleep by six Central time.

Friday morning and afternoon were spent in the spa. I love the Luxor spa, as I've gushed before, but I had a very strange experience falling asleep naked in the steam sauna and waking up to the sounds of young girls in swimsuits giggling. They were sitting at the bottom of my feet, learning where babies come from. I pretended I was still asleep and rolled over, making myself into a robe and towel burrito until they left.

My massage lady took out her weekly aggressions on my body. This felt very good at the time, but I've been sore ever since. I think something got pinched in my neck. There are bruises on my lower back and forearms. Maybe I didn't drink enough water afterwards. I don't know. My facial woman seemed upset that she couldn't find anything to squeeze on my face, and kept searching and squeezing until she caused a sore on the side of my nose. I walked in with a pretty face, and now I have a blotchy, scabby one. She needed the squeeze, she needed to find something to extract.

I'm making it sound like I had a bad time. I didn't. I was too blissed out to notice that these women were abusing me. It's only now in hindsight where I'm taking a face/body inventory and thinking, "I should have said something to them."

Making four dial-up connections to Texas to check my mail (at three to four minutes each) cost $124.23. Don't ever use long distance services in your hotel room. Ever. I couldn't believe it.

Okay, that was the bad stuff. Then there was the good stuff. We had a large dinner once everyone had finally arrived, and we took over the steakhouse with laughing and screeching, sharing stories and jokes. Afterwards we went to try and ride the New York New York rollercoaster, but found that it was closed. We walked to the movie theater in the giant arcade and saw a midnight showing of Bring It On. Best. Movie. Ever. Now, sure, it helped that you had eighteen recappers sitting in three rows screaming jokes at a screen in a room full of people that were also either screaming or laughing at our jokes, but still. It was surprisingly good. It inspired our next mission: karaoke.

It only took an hour, two cab rides, and a thunderstorm to find the smallest karaoke bar in Vegas. We quickly took it over and had a blast. I've never gotten in trouble for Karaoke before. Our Karaoke DJ loved us, but didn't want to get in trouble. He kept asking me to not leave the stage.