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Love Me, Love You,
Love It
The Third Annual Valentine's
Day Entry
14 February 2001
There.
There.
Right there.
There.
Oh, God, there.
Damn, I'm good.
I know just what I want, when I want it.
Who's my daddy?
Me, mother fucker.
dude. look, i love
you, ok?
so you don't have to blame the dog anymore.
it's just childish.
For the time you left
my shoes out in the rain.
For the time you broke my favorite hair clip.
For the time you hammered nails into the wall and called it a
hat rack.
For the time you tried to serve me a tea bag from the trash can.
For the time you put out a match in my car.
For the time you woke me up by pushing me off the bed.
For the time you called me by your brother's name.
For the time you almost drowned me.
For the time you locked the keys in my car.
For the time you lost my Macy Gray CD.
All is forgiven.
All is worth it.
And on that last one, you were actually doing me a favor.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Happy Valentine's Day.
i'm sorry i've been telling everyone that you're gay.
it just makes me feel better.
you know. because you're a dick.
for the time i made
you watch coyote ugly
i'm very sorry...
but c'mon, you have to admit tyra banks' titties are awesome.
That girl over there.
The one with the shirt.
With the big fake titties.
You see her?
How can you not see her?
Yeah, that one.
Do you think she's pretty?
No, seriously. Do you think she's pretty?
It's okay, you can tell me.
I won't get mad.
She's pretty, huh?
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Well, I don't know if she could do all of that...
Okay.
Okay!
Yeah, she probably can suck the chrome off a bumper.
Uh-huh.
Right.
No, I didn't know you used to date a stripper.
Fascinating.
Trixie? No, I didn't know that either.
Uh-huh.
Listen. In the future,
A simple "yes" or "no" will do.
Okay?
Asshole.
shut up.
just shut your mouth.
just... don't talk anymore.
please.
god.
your voice.
it's killing me
for real.
just shut up for five
fucking
minutes
and keep on licking right there.
your dirty talk is ruining everything.
please.
it's valentine's day.
for one night
please don't call me
gary oldman.
it creeps me the fuck out.
This year
for Valentine's Day
I cut off my titties
And put them in a box.
You're the only one who knew what to do with them, anyway
And, besides, they'll make you happier than they make me.
Why are you screaming?
You know, for being Marilyn Manson, you're quite a big pussy.
Stop.
Stop right there.
No, nothing's wrong.
You're just absolutely beautiful right there.
Right there.
Look, there's something I've been wanting to tell you for a little
while, now.
And I think I'm ready to tell you.
I've just been thinking about all of this time we've spent together
and how happy you make me
and how I'm just in awe of you.
So, because it's Valentine's Day
And they were all out of the thing I was going to get you
I thought, maybe
I could tell you
That I...
I...
Oh, this shouldn't be too hard, should it?
This should be easy.
I lummmmm
I gotta pee. Excuse me.
Step one: "mrr. mrrieeeehiehie!"
Step two: "mriiiih! mriiiih! mrewaaawow."
Step three: "Hih! Hih! Hih! Hurrrrrkkkkkklrrghruhruh!"
Result: the perfect hairball valentine.
Heat and enjoy.
"Love
is messy and hard and strange."
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